Best English jokes

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Ek ladke ko khansi ho gayi . uske dada ji ne kaha “ ek peg laga le khansi chali jaayegi”.
Ladke ne kaha: “ daaru se khansi jaati hai kya”?
Dada ji ne kaha “ daaru se 100 bigha jameen jaa sakti hai toh khansi kya chiz hai “?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Athisa
Aisa
Athea
Awaya
Atoa
Asaya
Ayoua
Ahappya
Adiwalia
Aina
Aadvancea
Aitsa
Amya
Astylea

Not understood?
Remove first letter A and last letter A from each word and see the magic.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Three fastest means of communication:
1) Tele phone
2) Tele vision
3) Tell a women
Still need faster communication?
Tell her not to tell anyone (5g)
The radius of wifi is limited. But radius of wife eye is unlimited.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

ek vakeel ka beta rota hua uske pita ji ke paas gaya aur bolaa …. paapaa paapaa aaj mujhe mummy ne maaraa ! vakil ne use ek aur thappad maaraa aur kaha vakil ka beta hokar itna bhi nahi jaanta ki supreme court ke faisle high court me nahi hote

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Karva chauth special
India mei har 1000 boys ke liye sirf 943 girls hain….. matlab 57 boys bina shaadi ke rahte hain……
Yehi 57 boys aage jaakar Atal, Kalam, Ratan aur Modi bante hai…..
Baki 943 …. Cooker ki 3 siti ke baad gas band karte hain……

############################################################################################
Karwachauth special
Wife said during karwachauth: choti moti hi sahi, par gold ka kuch to la do…..
Husband “ ye le choti Gold flake”.

############################################################################################

Businessman: I want to transfer my single bed from my existing home to new home which is approx 10 kms. The bed is not fitting in my car and movers and packers are asking for a price almost equal to price of bed. What should I do???
Chartered accountant: sell it on Quikr and buy it again on Quikr from the new address with two different login ID’s . Quikr will transport it for free and you can also get the paytm cashback.

############################################################################################
How bedroom smells after marriage:
First 3 years…..perfumes, flowers, chocolate, fruits…..
After 3 years……
Baby powder, Johnson’s cream and lotions, baby oils
After 15 years…..
Agarbatti…
############################################################################################Four stages of marriage:
# Mad for each other
# made for each other
# Mad at each other
# mad because of each other
############################################################################################What is marriage?
Ans – marriage is the 7th sense of humans, that destroys all the six senses and makes the person nonsense…..
############################################################################################Definition of happy couple –
He does what she wants
She does what she wants
############################################################################################Wife: dear, this computer is not working as per my command….
Husband: exactly darling , it’s a computer , not a husband.
############################################################################################ laughing at your own mistakes can lengthen your life” – Shakespeare.
“laughing at your wife’s mistakes can shorten your life” – Shakespeare’s wife.

############################################################################################

A school held a contest for all the kids. The theme for the contest was ‘Nicest thing dad did for me’. Most of the children expressed their emotions nicely but the award winning answer will really bring a smile on your face. In his answer, a small kid wrote “Nicest thing my dad did for me was “he married my mom”
Dedicated to all the wonderful mothers.

############################################################################################

Female special!
My friend asked me:” who is your favorite actor?”
I answered: my husband….
Whenever I ask him for diamonds, necklace, candle light dinner, vacations etc., he starts acting”.

############################################################################################

Male special!
My friend asked me: “who is your favorite director?”
I answered: “my wife…
Whenever I do something…., she starts directing!”

############################################################################################

Chemistry teacher: did you know protons have mass?
Student: I didn’t even know they were Catholics.

############################################################################################

Happens in Tamil Nadu….
Boss: why were you absent for 3 days?
Employee: Lakshmi died”
Boss: “who Lakshmi?”
Employee: “my papa’s wife….!
Boss: why don’t you say your Amma died?
Employee: if I say Amma died police will arrest me….”

############################################################################################

Who are lizards?
Awesome answer by a kid….. They are those poor crocodiles who forgot to have Horlicks when they were young

############################################################################################
What is pizza?
Awesome answer: A Pizza is a parantha that went abroad for higher education

############################################################################################

What’s the best example of “once in a lifetime opportunity”?
A mosquito sitting on your wife’s face.

############################################################################################

A little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another…..A man next to him said “do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth”. The boy replied, “My grandfather lived for 132 years”. The man asked, “Was it because of eating chocolate”? The boy said” no, he was always minding his own business”.

############################################################################################

Son: dad there is a small get together at school tomorrow!.
Father: small get together, how small?
Son: only…me…you….and….principal.

############################################################################################

Digital India effect
The young boy was suffering from diarrhea. He hesitated to say the word lose motion to the doctor. So he explained in new generation style.
Doctor…. Since morning, unlimited free outgoing, new ringtones have also started. No balance in my stomach. If I recharge, within one minute balance becomes nil. Doctor can you please disconnect the offer!.

############################################################################################

Such a sweet message:
Baby mosquito came back after its first flying…. His dad asked him,” how did you feel? He replied” it was wonderful daddy… all humans’ clapped hands for me.” Moral- life is too beautiful; it depends on our way of thinking.

############################################################################################

Facebook Comments

Leave a Reply